


Muted Panic

by bobless



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game), Detroit: Become Human (Video Game) RPF
Genre: Angst, Connor Deserves Happiness, Connor Needs A Hug, Connor-centric, Friendship, Gen, Pacifist Ending, Panic Attacks, Post-Pacifist Best Ending (Detroit: Become Human), Whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-21
Updated: 2020-09-21
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:14:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26578912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bobless/pseuds/bobless
Summary: Connor didn’t want to be alone. He wanted nothing more than to return to the precinct, sit on his swirly chair, and listen to Gavin bitch and moan about whatever case he was working on. He wanted to update Hank on possible suspects, and discuss his work with Captain Fowler.Connor wasn’t allowed to feel anything. To think for himself.But he was.And aside from panic, the first real emotion Connor had felt was a deep sense of self-loathing.He had taken away a life.He was a monster.
Relationships: Connor & Gavin Reed, Hank Anderson & Connor
Comments: 4
Kudos: 62





	Muted Panic

Connors hands trembled as he ran his fingers over the smooth, cold coin. Flipping it between his fingers, he took a long breath in, and out. Breathing wasn’t necessary for androids, but somehow Connor took comfort in the gesture. As his stimulated breathing continued, he felt as if his stress was slowly melting away.

Almost like how the Zen garden had gone away.

Connor pocketed his coin, before leaving the precinct. There was nothing left for him there. Hank’s disgust and dislike of him didn’t change after the revolution. He kept his distance from Connor, sending him wary and distrustful looks. He rejected all of Connors efforts to rebuild their partnership, much to Connors disappointment.

It was more than disappointment though. Hank had been Connor’s only friend, his family even. He had been the only one to treat Connor as an equal, and had seemed to genuinely enjoy Connor’s company, even if it was only for a short time.

Connor remembered when it had all gone -quite blatantly- to shit.

He could still feel the Traci’s hands shove his arms, before proceeding to shoot herself with his gun. He could still here the thud of her body, as she collapsed, lifeless next to her love. Her love, who Connor had shot. He could still feel the muted panic at witnessing first hand the dangers of emotion.

Spinning frantically on his heels, emotions whirring to life for the first time, he had stared at Hank in shock. Unable to assess the situation properly, and blinded by _software instability_ he decided to re-calibrate his systems.

“I am entering re-calibration mode in order to better asses this situation”, Connor had chirped the preconstructed message.

Hank managed to pull himself out of his stupor, and proceeded to stare at Connor, sadness hidden behind his disgusted, harsh tone.

“Yep! You do that Connor! Shoot a girl, watch her girlfriend shoot herself and then assess the situation. Whoop-dee-doo there goes the award for the most sadistic sociopathic android soldier!”

Shoving his gun back in his belt, Hank had spun around and left the building.

Connor didn’t know if Hank had said anything else. He couldn’t hear anything over the pelting rain and torrent of emotions that had overcome him.

The recalibration hadn’t helped. Why hadn’t it helped? Why hadn’t it helped? He stared down at the bodies of the Tracis. Why did he do that?

Why did he shoot?

Why did _she_ shoot _herself_?

Suddenly, Connor didn’t want to be alone. He wanted nothing more than to return to the precinct, sit on his swirly chair, and listen to Gavin bitch and moan about whatever case he was working on. He wanted to update Hank on possible suspects, and discuss his work with Captain Fowler. He wanted nothing more than the fragile normalcy of the life of an android detective.

Connor wasn’t allowed to feel anything. To think for himself.

But he was. 

And aside from panic, the first real emotion Connor had felt was a deep sense of self-loathing.

He had taken away a life.

He was a monster.

Clutching his coin as if it were the only thing keeping Connor sane -which it kind of was- he shook himself out of the memory. Having a panic attack right outside the precinct doors was a great way to start the day. Slowly standing up, Connor chuckled morbidly at how far he had come. From android killer, to android liberator, and now to his current state of android mental case.

Running his fingers through his hair as he stumbled down the stairs, Connor plonked down on the bench, and called an uber. Still somewhat shaky from the panic attack, he sprawled over the bench, letting out a flow of obscenities.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fu-u-u-ck”

Although illogical, the act of swearing gave Connor emotional catharsis. It was something that helped him deal, while making him feel as though he were alive.

He didn’t realize that someone had walked out the precinct and was looking at him with concerned curiosity.

Connor liked feeling alive -liked _being_ alive. Looking at who he was before the Eden Club was like watching a game character read out predetermine dialogue. But things were different now. Living meant that Connor was able to form his _own_ opinions.

He likes dogs.

He likes the sky.

He doesn’t like snowstorms.

He doesn’t like Kamski.

He doesn’t like himself.

Hank doesn’t like him either.

Connor forced the train of thought to stop. Having two meltdowns in one day, not to mention in the same place, his place of work for godsakes, had got to be a new record. Once again, he ran his fingers over his coin, before closing and opening his eyes.

Only to come face to face with none other than Gavin Reed.

“The fuck you doing out here tin can?”

Gavin’s obnoxious smirk hid the ~~concern~~ curiosity he had at witnessing Connor, who was the most polite bastard in the precinct, let go a tirade of “fucks”. Honestly, Connor's human like behaviour creeped Gavin out a bit.

Connor tilted his head, hearing the hidden question behind Gavin's words - are you okay?

Things were far from okay, and his head was a mess, but at least for now Connor didn't feel so alone. 

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first ever fic!! If possible please give some feedback :) It would be greatly appreciated~ I love this fandom so muchhh


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